Hangin King: For Tonight's show my special guest is the Queen. Please give her a round of applause.

Hangin King: Good afternoon your Majesty. How are you doing today?
Queen: Fine thanks.

Hangin King: How is the King's health?
Queen: Overall it's good, but his back rank keeps giving out. He obviously can't depend on his Rooks. The Doctors recommend more luft.  I tell him all the time that he needs more exercise. He needs to take his pawns out for a leisurely King and Pawn endgame.

Hangin King:  So what’s it like to be the  strongest piece?
Queen: Well, it's nice of course. But it's not always a bed of roses. I’d like to be able to go out shopping earlier, but, it is just not safe to go out too early. I am always harassed by the other pieces. As the most powerful piece, I’d like to see some changes or improvements.

Hangin King: OH, ok, how would you improve the game of chess?
Queen: Well I would like to spend more time with the King.

Hangin King: Don't you start each day by his side?
Queen: True, and that’s nice and all, but we are only together for a short time. All the other pieces are in such a rush. You know once a central Pawn or two is pushed, out come the pieces. The Bishop jumps out to give his sermons. The Knights jump out at the crack of dawn. Before you know it, the King castles away with his  buddy the Rook, and I don’t get to see him for the rest of the game. The King says he has to go to work. But I  know he is up to no good with that Rook of his. They're playing poker. He's not fooling me. The King has his own place; I want my own place with a Pawn cover too. I want to be able to castle too. I want Queenside castling reserved only for me. I wouldn't want to be cooped up with a rowdy Rook. I want a new piece to keep me company. I think we have way too many Rooks. I want to castle with my Hairdresser. I want my hair and nails done.  I also want more leisure squares.

Hangin King:  Oh you are advocating for a new pieces.
Queen: Yes, I have to maintain my standards. I need a Hairdresser.

Hangin King:  What other changes?
Queen: Well, I'd like to add an Interior Decorator. I'm tired of the 64 black and white squares. Let's add more colors. I want to retile the board. I am so tired of wood.  After a few tough games, my feet are full of splinters.  I prefer an italian marble board or wall to wall carpeting.

Hangin King: Oh, so what type of hobbies do you have?
Queen: Well I like to go riding with my Knight at the end of the game. I love animals. I wish I could go riding a lot earlier in the game, but it is just too dangerous. I would like to have some squares set aside for equestrian activities.

Hangin King:  What are your pet peeves?
Queen: Well besides not having more time with the King, I hate being sacrificed, even in a mating attack. That’s why we have Rooks, Bishops and Knights. I also hate those rowdy Rooks. They like to stare and whistle at me down those open files. Oh and let's not forget about the forking Knights. I absolutely hate the Royal Fork.

Hangin King: Anything else?
Queen: Yes, I am tired of being cooped up on a 64 square board. I want to  travel and see what else is out there. I want to be able to shop on the other boards so I can chat with the other Queens. You know have a Queen’s night out. I am trying to convince the King that we need some beach front squares so we can relax during the game.

Hangin King: Favorite piece?
Queen:  Well besides the King, whom I love dearly. I love animals. I love the Knights.

Hangin King:  Worst piece?
Queen:  Those wild, piggy Rooks, I hate when they whistle at me down those open files. You got to keep them separated. When they get on the 7th rank they act like wild pigs.

Hangin King:  So tell us what everyone wants to know. Who is better the Bishop or the Knight?
Queen:  Oh don't go there. Oh don't go there. [lip syncing] I love my Knights.

Hangin King: Why not, millions of players around the world want to know.
Queen: Ask the King.

Hang King: OH Ok.

Hangin King: Well thank you for a fascinating interview.